your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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