Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
