Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
