Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
