i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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