Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The uberlube is also flammable
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
