It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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