if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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