you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
