I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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