I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
