god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dignity is for republicans.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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