oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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