Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
