She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Welp...herpes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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