I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
