also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's shark week go big or go home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
