Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So many bounce houses so little time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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