my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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