things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
