a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
