You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
