i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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