its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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