She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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