i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
