Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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