I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
