She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.