I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review