Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord

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(503): View more from Oregon

i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.

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(916): View more from California

It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker

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(425): View more from Washington

Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.

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(347): View more from New York

I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time

(1-347): View more from New York

Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water

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