I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
