sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.