so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
