just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
