two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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