well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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