I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
