Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
