why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
