walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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