girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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