i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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