Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
