Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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