my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
