SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
