If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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