When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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