the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
