dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
