M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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