she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
