This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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