So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
