dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
