ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
