I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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