If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
