What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize