Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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