he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
