last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
