He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
