I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
