Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
