speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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