Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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