he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
