If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
