I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
