This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
