Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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