Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
