def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize