remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
