yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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