if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
