considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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