Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
